Bullying

The road to authenticity.

by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW

The Cruelty Crisis: Bullying Isn't a School Problem, It's a National Pastime
Exclusion, humiliation, gossiping, name-calling, and cutthroat alliances - we can't get enough! We panic when these behaviors are directed at our own children and we express outrage when the consequences turn deadly, but over the past few years we, the adults, have turned cruelty into entertainment and sport.

According to the Nielsen ratings, reality television topped the "most watched TV" list in 2009 and analysts expect the trend to continue through 2010. From the Real Housewives of Orange County to the Jersey Shore, reality TV draws audiences by delivering performances that mirror the exact behaviors that we define as bullying. We tune in to watch hostile confrontations, belittling, collusion, backstabbing, and public ridicule. We're drawn in by the promise of mean-spiritedness and we're seduced by the idea that we get to watch people's most intimate and private moments made public. Sound painfully familiar?

Gossiping, one of the most glamorized behaviors on TV and a popular weapon in the bully arsenal, is another behavior that falls into the "do as we say, not as we do" category. As adults, how many times have we stood around with a group of friends or colleagues and criticized or made fun of someone? It happens every day in carpool lines, in the back of churches, in front yards, and around the water cooler. We wonder why the awkward first grader is being excluded from birthday parties when our PTO clique is constantly whispering about his weird mother and would never consider inviting her to coffee.

When it comes to managing conflict and difference, we're not exactly modeling the behaviors that we want to see in our children. Whether it's politics, religion, or social issues, the more uncertain we feel, the more certain we act. Finger pointing, screaming, and in-your-face personal attacks have replaced respectful and necessary debate and discourse. We see this everywhere from political talk shows and school meetings, to the sidelines of kids' soccer games. I've heard people define bullying as "angry, aggressive acting out in children." I would argue that a lot of bullying is simply kids acting like aggressive parents acting out and behaving like angry children.

I've spent the past decade studying vulnerability, shame, authenticity, and belonging. I've interviewed research participants and collected thousands of stories about how we live, love, parent, work, and navigate our increasingly anxious world. Over the past ten years I've witnessed a profoundly dangerous pattern of behavior emerge in our culture:

As our fear, uncertainty, and feelings of vulnerability increase, cruelty becomes an acceptable way for us to discharge our pain and discomfort. Rather than doing the difficult work of embracing our own vulnerabilities and imperfections, we expose, attack, or ridicule what is vulnerable and imperfect about others.

In our culture, vulnerability is synonymous with weakness, and imperfect means inadequate. Rather than acknowledging that we are all vulnerable and imperfect, we buy into the painful idea that we are less than; that we aren't worthy of belonging. It is the struggle for worthiness and belonging that leads to bullying.

Belonging is the innate human need to be a part of something larger than us; we are hardwired for it. Cruelty is a predictable outcome in a culture that tells us that invulnerability and perfection are prerequisites for belonging. We are never more dangerous than when we are backed into a corner of never __________ enough (good/ rich/ thin /successful/ admired/ certain/ extraordinary/ safe/ in control/ powerful/ etc.).

In a world that is plagued by war, economic hardship, and pervasive self-doubt, we rage and humiliate to alleviate our own misery. It's simply easier to attack and berate others or watch it happen on TV, than it is to risk having honest conversations about our struggles with worthiness. Why lean into our own feelings of scarcity and shame, when we can watch strangers get booed off stage or voted off the island? It feels good to watch others suffer.

If we want to reclaim courage and compassion in our families, schools, organizations, and communities, we must open our hearts and minds to a new way of thinking about vulnerability and imperfection. Our imperfections are not flaws; they are what connect us to each other and to our humanity. Vulnerability may be at the core of fear and uncertainty, but it is also the birthplace of courage and compassion - exactly what we need to help us stop lashing out and start engaging with the world from a place of worthiness; a place where empathy and kindness matter.

Whether we are a sweaty-palmed 7th grader navigating a hostile cafeteria, or a laid-off worker trying to make a mortgage payment, or a young mother waiting for mammogram results, feeling vulnerable, imperfect and afraid is human. It is when we lose our capacity to hold space for these struggles that we become dangerous. We can legislate behavior all day long, but true compassion comes from a tender and vulnerable place where we understand how inextricably connected we are.

Courage and compassion are not ideals; they are daily practices. The TV shows that we allow in our homes, the way we discuss politics and social issues, the way we handle altercations at the grocery story - these are choices with real consequences. Bullying is a serious problem in schools, but we are all accountable for the cruelty crisis that is fueling these behaviors. The answer to the bullying problem starts with this question: Do we have the courage to be the adults that our children need us to be?

Mirror

Mirror is such an important tool these days. Honestly, how many people do not look at themselves in a mirror at least once a day? The idea of the non-existence of a mirror almost seems outrageous. A mirror magnifies one's flaws; a mirror lowers one's self-esteem. We look into a mirror to see if we are presentable to others, to see if we meet the society's standard. Who set up these standards? Why are there rules as to what we should look like? Mirrors are of course very useful when it comes to applying make-up. Oh make-up, a bunch of chemicals that we put layers after layers onto our faces to hide our flaws. If others can't accept us for who we are without all of the judgemental thoughts and comments, it's not worth it.

Victim of Secret Dorm Sex Tape Posts Facebook Goodbye, Jumps to His Death

Cyber bullying has increased over the past few years. That is the downside to all of the technology we have today. Unfortunately, things like this happen all the time. It is disgusting to think that someone could spy on people like that, let alone putting it online for the world to see. There is a growing trend of people targetting the homosexuals because of their lifestyle. Even though it may seem a bit extreme to others, no one will ever feel what the victim felt before taking his own life. I don't understand what the two students were thinking. What were they thinking when they spied on the victim? What were they thinking when they put videos online? Did they think it was fun? Did they view it as a prank? It disgusts me.

Is the Net Closing on Web Freedom

Summary:
According to "Is the Net Closing on Web Freedom" by Alex Hudson, our freedom in the online world may be in danger. Hudson states that Egypt went through a "World Web War I" with the Internet shut down for 5 days.

The Internet is becoming the new social form. According to the statistics, the top ten sites are responsible for about 75% of the Internet traffic; Facebook alone is responsible for 25% of all Internet traffic in the U.S.A.

The issue of people's rights concerning the Internet rises. In the article, Hudson states Al Gore's opinion on this issue. He thinks that people need to defend the Internet instead of letting governments or corporations control it.

Hudson quotes an opposition's belief. The opposition thinks Al Gore's idea is not practical. The opposition expresses that it is necessary for governments to be involved in the world of Internet. He states that governments are there to keep order, and laws need to be enforced online.

Some think that governments' roles in the online world are affecting human rights. Many countries, such as China, and even America, censor information on the Internet, preventing citizens from accessing it. The idea of a "kill-switch" is being brought up. Hudson states that the existence of a "kill-switch" is a powerful tool and quotes that it is a must; however, it may limit people's interaction online.

Response: I believe this issue cannot be solved easily. Both sides' arguments are supported well. The Internet is a popular social room; it allows people to talk to others who they would have never met if it weren't for the Internet. People need to stand up to organizations that want to control the Internet in order to protect our access through the means of Internet. On the other hand, the Internet also needs to be looked after. Because of its usefulness and vastness, a set of laws need to be in place. The concern is, who should have the power to shut down the Internet in case of an emergency? Who should be able to control it, but still give people their rights online?

Quoting, Paraphrasing, and Summarizing

Quoting, paraphrasing, and summarizing are using someone else's words to provide support to your own work.

Summarizing is shortening what you have read and only writing down the key points and ideas. You can also use quoting and paraphrasing in your summary.


Writing a summary: Start with a sentence naming the writer and article title and stating the essay's main idea. The title of the article must be in quotation marks. Then write your summary, omitting nothing important and striving for overall coherence through appropriate transitions.

Be concise in order to compress your ideas. Focus on the most important general ideas put forth by the writers and leave out the supporting details.

Refer to the writer of the article throughout your summary. Ex. John Brown believes that poverty in Canada is caused by unemployment.

Never include your own opinions in a summary.

Conclude with a final statement reflecting the significance of the article-not from your own point of view, but from the writer's.



Quotes should not be used a lot, and should only be used when they add to your writing. You can insert a short quote within a sentence or a longer quote by itself.



Paraphrasing is using someone else's work without quoting, and it is more detailed than summarizing. Your goal is to express the same idea as the original.



Writing a response:

A response to an article is your own personal opinion about the content of the piece. You can use "I think" and "I believe: in a response. There are no right or wrong answers. You can agree or disagree with the writer. Try some of these questions if you are stuck:

a) What did you know about the topic?

b) What did you learn about the topic?

c) What else do you want to know about the topic?

d) How does this knowledge connect to your life?

e) How has this knowledge changed how you think?

f) How has this knowledge changed how you will act?

g) Would you recommend this article? Why or why not?

Pregnant Woman Gets Abortion Drug Instead of Antibiotic
By: Susan Donaldson James

Summary: Susan Donaldson James, the author of "Pregnant Woman Gets Abortion Drug Instead of Antibiotic", describes the aftermaths of a pregnant woman who was mistakingly given an abortion drug. James states that the woman, Mareena Silva, may lose her six-week-old fetus because of this mix-up. This drug is sometimes used for early-stage pregnancy termination and may cause some serious side effects. Silva went to the pharmacy to pick up her bacterial infection medicine. The prescription was filled at a Safeway. Silva was rushed to a medical centre where she was given charcoal to absorb the fatal drug. James concludes the article by informing that the drugs given to Silva were intended for a 59-year-old woman who has the same last name and a similar first name as Silva. The supermarket chain apologized for the mistake, but Silva's pregnancy may be affected greatly.


Response: It is a tragic to hear that these stories exist. I think the pharmacists who prescribed the drugs are at fault. Pharmacists are paid a lot of money; they're supposed to know what kind of drugs they are handing out to patients. Pharmacists are supposed to hand out the right drugs. They can't expect patients to look up every drug they receive. Why do doctors and pharmacists go through years of school? The answer to that is so they can aid others and keep them healthy, and that is not by handing out the wrong drugs. Maybe the doctor is at fault also. It is a well known fact that doctors have some of the worst hand-writing. The lesson I learned from this article is to never put too much trust into the pharmacist and doctor. They are human after-all, and we all make mistakes.

Persuasive Essay #1- The Canucks are the Best

Here comes Daniel Sedin, Henrik racing to join him, off the bench is Burrows, Daniel to Henrik, scores! The Vancouver Canucks are a professional ice hockey team of the National Hockey League. The Canucks joined the NHL in 1970 and are currently in the Northwest Division of the Western conference. (In this essay, I am going to prove that) The Canucks are the best team in the entire NHL this season. This team has individual players whose performances dominate the stats aspect of the sport, it also has great depth, but most of all, it is a great hockey club to both its fans and players.

Even though hockey is a team sport, solo accomplishments can also largely influence the team's success. Some extraordinary players of the Vancouver Canucks are forwards Henrik Sedin, Daniel Sedin, and Ryan Kesler, and goaltender Roberto Luongo. The Sedin twins are absolutely incredible; Daniel is tied for first in points while Henrik is fourth. These two brothers work together so perfectly that they are also first and third in the number of assists for this hockey season. One can arguably say that no other pairings in the NHL can seriously contest the twins' chemistry. The other notable forward of this hockey organization is Ryan Kesler, who centres the second line of the Canucks. Ryan Kesler has been secretly rising to the top of the league with his outstanding season. He is currently third in goals and is one of the best when it comes to faceoffs. When hockey is mentioned, one cannot forget the goaltender. Fortunately for Vancouver, this team has Roberto Luongo, who recently won gold in Men's Ice Hockey in the 2010 Winter Olympics. Roberto Luongo is known for his slow starts which generally end around November. This season, he has been unquestionably superb. This goalie has been undefeated since December 5 of 2010; the Canucks have not lost in regulation time since then with Roberto in net. He makes saves at key moments in the game, which helps the team gain momentum. Without these individual contributions, it is hard to claim a sports team as number one, but what happens if one of these players suffers an injury?

The American Hockey League affiliation of the Canucks is the Manitoba Moose. The Moose can also be referred to as the Canucks' "farm team." Many Canuck prospects are called up to play in the NHL if injuries occur. The depth that the Canucks have is astonishing; there are numerous skilled players on the Moose. With recent injuries to Canuck defensemen, Lee Sweatt and Chris Tanev of the Manitoba Moose were called up to fill the positions. These two rookies have impressed many fans, as well as the coaching staff. Sweatt scored his first NHL goal in his NHL debut, and Tanev has not been a defensive liability, unlike what many expected. These two players contributed while key defensemen were injured. One name that most Canuck fans recognize is Cody Hodgson. He has demonstrated why many view him as the top prospect of the Canucks. He has shown his skills and his smarts when it comes to the sport he loves. In just three games, he collected two points, scoring his first NHL goal in his second game. With all of the hitting and blocking of pucks, injuries are unavoidable; the depth this team has is certainly beneficial. The coaching staff is giving a handful of prospects time in the NHL. When one of the regular Canucks gets hurt, it will not be a complication to find someone to fill the spot. This is how real depth gets built up, something the team lacked in the last few years during the playoffs. This team has everything, as well as an abundance of fans all over the globe.

There are many people out there who are passionate fans of the Vancouver Canucks. In appreciation of the fans' affection, this hockey club has done a number of things. These include "Behind the Lens" photos which are regularly posted on Canucks.com. These photos are behind the scene photos of the players on road trips. The Canucks organization also post videos of the players celebrating in the locker room after a win, and interviews that are not necessarily related to hockey. Fans are invited to meet players and attend practices. These little things make being a Canucks supporter better than best. It allows the fans to see the players' personalities, to see what they have behind those helmets and skates. The organization has also hired a sleep pattern specialist to enable the players to have as normal as a sleeping schedule with the endless travelling. The club also holds family road trips for these professional athletes. Not long ago, the players just had a short road trip with their siblings. This organization makes sure the players enjoy playing for Vancouver.

Many may think the Vancouver Canucks are overrated because of the lack of notable success. It is no doubt that the Canucks have not achieved the greatest accomplishment in the NHL, the Stanley Cup, in their 40 years as a team. What team is overrated when the rest of the teams of the league are below them in the standings in almost every aspect? What team is overrated when it has players who are right at the top with big-name players, such as Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin? Dominance means more media coverage; however, more media coverage does not mean overrating. One can argue that the Canucks have not done well in the playoffs in recent years, but what makes this year different is the improvement of the players' skills and chemistry. This hockey group's depth will prove all of the doubters wrong, and make all of the fans proud.